10. Colour Recognition
- If you can’t discern your mattress’s original colour through the stains on its exterior, you need a new bed.
9. Meet In the Middle
- If you wake up each night in the middle of your mattress, pressed uncomfortably against your partner, your mattress is experiencing some significant sag. The coils are shot; An upgrade is in order.
8. Visible Damage
- If the top comfort layer of your mattress looks like it’s gone through a shredder, it is probably impacting your comfort.
7. Sounds From Below
- If your moves in the night incite a symphony of metal springs, it’s time to trade in the ear plugs for a Simmons Beautyrest.
6. College Size
- If your mattress is the same size as the one you used in your college dorm room, you should probably consider moving up to a Queen size mattress.
5. Damp To The Touch
- If changing your sheets is like pulling the cling wrap off your plate of leftovers, it means three things: You probably have a mold problem; Your mattress has been compromised; You should probably move.
4. Morning Ache
- If your body aches more in the morning than it did before you went to sleep, you need a new bed.
3. Searching For the Sweet Spot
- If you need to spend ten minutes trying to find a comfortable spot between the mattress lumps, you should have bought a new mattress years ago.
2. Stank Factor
- If your mattress reminds you of your hockey bag, it’s time to visit Simmons Mattress Gallery.
1. Spring In Your Back
- If there is an actual physical spring sticking through the top comfort layer of your mattress, take a photo and send it to us. That bed belongs on a Fail Blog.