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Ten Reasons to Surprise Your Spouse With a New Mattress

10. Distraction Purchase

Your new shoes cost close to what you paid for your first car. Distract your spouse by coming home with a bed you can ‘both’ enjoy for years to come.

9. Back Pain

Assume a sympathetic position and present a luxury mattress designed to eliminate back pain to your hubby. You’ll look like the hero.

8. Ten Year Anniversary

Unlike wine, mattresses do not get better with age. If you’ve had your mattress for over a decade, it needs to go.

7. Promoted

The perfect gift for a new promotion. They will need all the rest they can get in the coming months.

6. Hazardous Material

That bowl of cereal you spilt and forgot to cleanup turned your last mattress into a HAZMAT zone. No amour of Glade Pug-Ins could ever defeat that odour.

5.Random Act of Kindness

It’s Tuesday. Do you really need a reason?

4. Puppy Love

A new pet can be a wonderful surprise, but not everyone is ready for the responsibility. A new bed provides all the comfort with none of the maintenance.

3. Birthday Make-Up

We don’t want to bring up bad memories, but forgetting a birthday… Smooth it over with a new bed and a lot of cuddling.

2. Bargain Prices

Everyone love a bargain. Impress your significant other with your savvy shopping skills. Simmons Mattress Gallery is currently having a Beautyrest sale with beds up to 75% off.

1. Declaration of Love

Your partner deserves the best. Go with a World Class Beautyrest Mattress.

Golden Moments from the Globes

The Golden Globes were last night and although the shock value wasn’t on par with the Ricky Gervais broadcasts of year’s past, the night did have a few OMG moments. In descending order, here are our top five:

5. Gravity’s Pull

While gravity rarely plays a role in the Botox-friendly crowd (zing), last night’s first laugh came at the expense of George Clooney and Sandra Bullock space drama. It was actually more to do with Clooney’s dating habits. The line from Tina Fey: “George Clooney would rather float away in space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age.” Ouch.

4. Woody (Not the Cowboy)

Diane Keaton accepted the Cecil B. DeMille award for Lifetime Achievement on behalf of Woody Allen. The speech was a nice homage to the ‘film-a-year’ auteur, but she punctuated her final point on friendship with an odd cappella performance of the Girl Scouts song, “Make New Friends.” Love Keaton, but stick with the acting.

3. I’m Doing Matt Damon

Matt Damon seemed to be the butt of quite a few jokes over the course of the evening. The best was an impersonation by Melissa McCarthey. She nailed the mannerisms. But Damon took it all in stride, even referring to himself as the ‘garbage man’ during his acceptance speech for the TV drama “Beyond the Candelabra.” Amy Poehler had given him this title during the opening.

2. Crazy Lady

Jacqueline Bisset was called up to the stage to accept the Best Supporting Actress for her role in “Dancing on the Edge.” What happened next, well… Words cannot describe. Here’s a clip:

Somebody shouldn’t mix her painkillers with alcohol.

1. One Last Zinger

The last joke of the night was aimed at Hollywood’s, golden son, Leonardo DiCaprio. Tina Fey introduced the final presenter of the night with this not-likely-to-be-forgotten line: “And now, like a supermodel’s vagina, let’s all give a warm welcome to Leonardo DiCaprio.”

Bonus entry:

Amy Poehler, making out with Bono after her name was called to accept the award for Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Comedy or Musical. She went for it. Fortunately, so did Bono. Nick Kroll, Amy’s boyfriend and fellow comedian tweeted this message after the kiss: “Hey Bono, watch your back.”

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