The Top Ten Worst Uses For Your Mattress
Why someone would ever use their mattress for a life-size game of dominoes is beyond us. If your mattress is that expendable, come talk to Simmons Mattress Gallery about a replacement bed.
9. Hiding a Body
Why is this a bad idea? Let’s start with ‘Why are you hiding a body!’ It’s also the first place investigators look. CSI 101.
8. Safety Net
Even in an emergency situation, it’s probably better to wait for the fire department then to throw your mattress out a third storey window and hope that it breaks your fall.
7. Hillbilly boogeyboarding
We covered this crazy sport in one of our first posts, almost five years ago. How it works is ’said Hillbilly’ attaches a long rope to his mattress, brings out to a field and ties the other end to a 4X4. The driver then pulls the mattress around a field as one brave (stupid) sole rides it.
6. Human Sushi
It’s a thing. Don’t Google it. You’ll be disgusted. Trust us.
5. Wrestling Platform
Back to the hillbillies. Wrestling, even though the world knows it’s fake, still seems to be popular among young adult men. Mattresses are used as platforms for wannabes to practice their suplexes. Somebody is going to get seriously hurt.
4. Family Toboggan
‘A family that plays together, stays together.’ But in the case of mattress tobogganing, ‘a family that sleds together, shares a hospital room together.’
3. Child Fort
Jokes aside, mattresses are often used as the roof for child forts. This is incredibly dangerous. Mattresses can be heavy objects that can easily pin a child down. In a worst-case scenario it could suffocate them. Please inform your child about the dangers of building a fort with a mattress.
2. Piggy Bank
Banks are hard institutions to trust these days, but when you start stuffing your bed full of money to avoid paying banking fees, you immediately begin to limit the comfort you will receive from your mattress. If you insist on storing your money at home, use something less valuable – like a shoebox.
The TLC program, My Strange Addiction, featured a young woman who was obsessed with eating the contents of her mattress. The woman was featured on the show’s season premiere last month. Only in America.