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Stopping Zombies With Sleep

This has been one of the craziest weeks for news in a long time. There have been four. Four! Headlines about cannibalism this week alone. People are eating other people. Not necessarily brains. But what starts with a little face nibble here, and the odd rump roast there, can quickly accelerate our pleasant little cities into something out of the Walking Dead.

The Zombie Apocalypse is coming. But it can be stopped. If you read between the lines in the gory details, there is one common denominator that is summoning the zombie-like behavior – hallucinations brought on by sleep deprivation.

Sleep deprivation can be caused by working strange shifts, being worried, or having some kind of chemical in your system. It’s hard to imagine that anything as innocent sounding as ‘bath salts’ could be so dangerous. Bath salts is a new designer drug that has hit the streets across North America. Besides its adrenaline-inducing, euphoric results, it’s also known to have some rather unfortunate side-effects – like panic, extreme insomnia (one man was up for eight days straight), and cannibalism.

The most recent story of one man eating another man’s face., that was brought about by bath salts. The Montreal parts killer, who sent a rather gruesome ‘You’re costing us an arm and a leg’ message to the government – he ate bits of his victim as well. He was heavy into the drugs too. He probably wasn’t hungry. He just needed a nap. We’re thinking, if he had a better bed, this might not have happened.

So the next time your neighbour starts looking a little tasty, we suggest you untuck the napkin from around your neck, put down the knife and fork, and sleep yourself back to sanity.

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