Sleeping Around (Part 1)
Everyone enjoys the comfort of his or her own bed. It’s what you long for after you’ve been away traveling. It’s what you dream about at your job when the paperwork seems never-ending. It’s the bed you picked out for yourself, with the perfect firmness and the ideal dimensions. It’s home.
But then there are those other times, when you have to sleep where you can. It is those times when you appreciate what you have.
Here is a list of ten places that may be less than ideal for catching some shuteye:
10. At a park
-It’s a beautiful summer day and you’re lying on the grass watching the clouds. Your eyes begin to shut and soon you’re asleep. You wake up with ants crawling under your shirt and a twig lodged in your back.
9. On public transit
-You’ve finished a long day at work and you are catching the bus back home. You fall asleep and wake up five stops past your destination with an old man staring at you. His drool is worse then yours.
8. At the airport
-Your flight has been delayed for a second time, but the airport staff has insured you that the flight will depart sometime that night. You can’t leave the terminal, so you attempt to sleep on the benches left over from the Spanish Inquisition.
7. At school or the office
-The professor’s monotone voice has been carrying on about statistical probability for the last hour and 43 minutes. You lasted about 18 minutes. You wake up with the lecture hall empty and a note on your binder: “You will not be passing my course. I suggest you withdraw.”
6. The beach or a tanning bed
-Sand. In everything. You also have a terrible burn. In three weeks it may resemble a one-sided tan.
5. In your car
-You’ve been locked out and it’s late. There doesn’t seem to be another option. You sit in the back seat with your legs extended diagonally to the front passenger seat. You rest your head against the cold damp window; the essence of comfort.
-No one sleeps well in a tent; it doesn’t matter how thick your thermarest is. There is also a soggy dampness in the morning that makes your sleeping bag feel as comforting as a cold wet mitten.
3. On the couch
-House ended three hours ago, but you still can’t find the will to get up and walk to your bedroom. You settle for infomercials and 12 minute sleep cycles.
2. On a plane
-You are in the middle isle in the middle seat. To your left is a businessman who ate Mexican before he boarded. To your right is a mother with her newborn. Silent pockets of gas are mixed with a baby’s bawling. You look to the stewardess for sympathy and she raises eight fingers. Her devilish smile makes you wish you had never heard of Tokyo.
1. At a friends
-You were invited over for dinner and after two bottles of wine and three hours of deep conversation, you’ve made the choice to stay over. Things progress and soon it looks like you have moved beyond ‘just friends.’ The physical act takes less than ten minutes and afterwards, you both find yourselves staring at the ceiling, contemplating the consequences. Add to this awkwardness a mattress that belongs in a museum. Even with the wine, there will be no rest. You yearn for your Simmons Beautyrest Black mattress and all the guilt-free comfort it offers. In the words of Dorothy Gale, “there’s no place like home.”